


Damned For All Time

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Category: Take That
Genre: 90s fic, Angst, Betrayal, Guilt, M/M, mildly suggestive sex scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27285862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: Jason knows Robbie needs to get out before he hurts himself more than he already has.
Relationships: Jason Orange/Robbie Williams
Kudos: 7





	Damned For All Time

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Jesus Christ Superstar

Jason doesn’t really remember when it started. When all the sulking, sullen, adolescent resentment directed towards him during the day turned into lust filled begging to be fucked harder nights; eyes that were normally narrowed contemptuously gazing up at him adoringly, the mouth that usually snapped off some wisecrack at his expense silently worshipping his cock. 

It hasn’t helped either of them get on with each other any better, the sex hasn’t. It possibly is making it worse because after each time, Robbie seems to both hate himself for his vulnerability and hate Jason for taking advantage of it.

And Jason hates himself for it as well.

But in the heat of the moment it is so easy to forget all that. And also, there is something that passes for understanding between them during their nights together.  
A shared unhappiness with their lot which they don’t speak about and the mixture of guilt and resentment and helplessness that it carries. 

Robbie is miserable, that much is clear to Jason. And if he needs him to fuck away the pain, then so be it. 

He’s just not sure how much longer it’s going to be enough. 

And he’s not sure if it really should be enough. If it’s right to keep Robbie trapped in this cage of a band. 

If he’s honest, he knows it’s already not enough. Knows that whatever it is that is keeping Robbie’s eyes forever red rimmed, his stare glassy, is doing far more to numb the pain than his cock ever could. 

He’s got a healthy sense of ego about himself as a lover but he knows he’s not *that* good.

And he knows Robbie needs to get out before he hurts himself even more than he already has.

They fuck one last time after Glastonbury. Robbie does not know it’s the last time. He falls asleep in Jason’s arms and Jason lies awake idly rubbing his fingers over Robbie’s peroxide bright head and stroking his cheek, a pang hitting him at how fragile he seems. 

“...And so maybe it would be better if you go now…”

He watches Robbie’s face change its expression from disbelief to hurt to anger to something vaguely passing for acceptance to anger once again.

Robbie takes a step towards him. Jason tenses himself in the expectation of being struck.

Instead, Robbie gives him the softest, most gentle kiss he’s ever given him and whispers, “Must you betray me with a fuck?”

And then walks out the door.

Jason turns to look at everyone, at Gary and Nigel looking grimly satisfied and Howard and Mark looking shell shocked.

Mark is about to start crying and Jason can’t meet his eye. 

He feels like he’s done this all wrong. That’s it all gone wrong and he should run after Robbie and tell him he’s made a mistake.

But he doesn’t move. Because if Robbie came back, then what? He’d still be on the same self destructive path. Still be miserable. Only now it would be worse because he’d know he wasn’t wanted.

This was the only way to save Robbie. And it had to work. It just had to.

If it didn’t, then Jason didn’t know how he would live with being damned for all time.


End file.
